totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
