Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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