READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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