Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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