Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
