I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
