I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
