You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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