i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
