he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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