you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
