is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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