But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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