My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize