before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
