After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
