I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
