that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
