I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
