the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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