This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Ladies don't puke and tell
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
