I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
