I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
