I need help removing her.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
