you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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