where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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