You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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