I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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