She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
