How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
