dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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