She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
