There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
