Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
