if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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