I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
