Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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