Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I know her cup size but not her name....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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