We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
