She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
