i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
only you would photoshop your dick
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
