My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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