Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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