Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
