Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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