Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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