hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
