he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
