It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
