Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
