Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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