Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
