I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
