My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
