see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
These tits shall not be calmed
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
