i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Drake has all the answers
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
