I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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