Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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