I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
