Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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