I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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