I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
