WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
