I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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