Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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