I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
