His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
should my penis look like a turkey
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
