It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
