so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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