i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i think my cat just said my name.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize