In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
