This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize