you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So apparently I’m into choking now
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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