Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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