We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
