Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
