i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
