I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
