so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
