You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
50% drunk capacity currently
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
