i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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