why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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