do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
