worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
third nipple confirmed
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
