So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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