if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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