I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize