Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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