I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
