Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
