Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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