Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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