Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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