Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
