hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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