I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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