I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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