If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize