Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
