new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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