Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
