My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize