She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
