how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
