I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
