I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
