Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
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