how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
A+ Viking dick
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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