By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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